Contentment

I haven't felt that I've had much to blog about lately. I usually write about things that have been on my mind, things I have been pondering. I guess my mind has been empty for a couple of weeks. :) Well, that's not really true. It has just taken me longer to think through things and get to the point where I can write about them with any semblance of clarity.

I have six friends who are pregnant. That is not counting the several other women who are casual acquaintances who are pregnant. My pastor's wife has counted twelve 2006 babies at our church (some are already here, most are on the way). I'll get to know all of those babies by working in the nursery, but at this point I would only count two of the mothers as friends. Six pregnant friends. My husband was worried that this would make me want another baby right away, but I am quite content. I'm just marveling at the fact that so many of my friends are expecting! A few years ago, Andy and I went to wedding after wedding after wedding. Now all of those people are having kids. It's weird, watching the stages of life. I suppose Little League practice will be next.

Chris recently said, "These are the good old days." I think he's right. What a wonderful time of life!

I've been thinking a lot lately about being content. About the differences between contentment and complacency. About choosing temporal things that provide short-term happiness versus choosing asceticism, about moderation. Paul's statement that he had learned how to be content in all circumstances (Philippians 4:12) is inspiring to me. It's something I strive for. What a picture of a peaceful, reliant life. His purpose, his sense of fulfillment, was not contingent upon any thing. I want to learn to be content in all circumstances. For the last nine months, I have been so happy that I've wondered if I've learned to be content. But I think that is highly unlikely. Of course I'm content now. I am living a dream come true. I've been wondering if I would be content in the face of hardship. I don't face hardship right now. A few inconveniences, yes, but nothing that could be counted as hardship. I don't really think that anyone can say they have learned to be content in all things unless they have been tested. I haven't been tested in quite a while. I so desire to be content in all things that a part of me wants to be tested. But then I think about what that could mean and I shudder. I'm not going to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I know that life will not always be easy, and so I will enjoy and be thankful for this time of peace and plenty for as long as it lasts, and pray and prepare myself as best I can for any future times of trial.

I've been thinking about the different ways that contentment could be tested and have decided that I think the true test of contentment is in hardship. Paul was in prison when he wrote his inspiring and challenging words. Recently our closest friends have had wonderful things happen to them. Chris and Janene moved into a beautiful house in a quaint town. It's fantastic. Lots of room; vintage wallpaper, light fixtures, architectural details; old-fashioned flowers blooming all around. It's a great house. And then we just found out that Bob and Grahame are expecting their second child. I would describe the baby as I described Chris and Janene's house, but that would be hard. Let's see...a beautiful, perfectly-formed, intricate grape seed with a heartbeat. My husband was concerned about my potential reactions to these events (which, sadly, doesn't say much about my reactions to things in the past). He was afraid that seeing Chris and Janene's new house would make me want to move, and that hearing about Bob and Grahame's new baby would make me want to have another baby. It didn't, on both counts. Of course I don't want to live in this house forever, and I certainly want more children eventually, but I'm fine where I am right now. I will admit that I had a brief moment of bemoaning the fact that my house doesn't have a lot of inherent character to it, but then I realized that this is not true. It's just that its character is not so much Anne of Green Gables and is much more Jan Brady. But I digress. This experience of being completely happy for - no, completely happy with - my friends, and not at all envious, is a good one. Great, in fact. It's very freeing. And whether this sentiment reflects a little bit more understanding of contentment than I had two years ago, or simply a time of smooth sailing in life, I'm enjoying it. There will be ups and downs in life, and this is an "up" time. I won't worry about tomorrow. It's going to come, good or bad, and I'll deal with it then. Today is good.